Marshall Mathers LP Lyrics

P.S.A. 2000

This is ANOTHER public service announcement brought to
you in part by Slim Shady.
tell em i don't give a f***
Slim Shady does not give a F***...what you think!
tell em to suck it
If you don't like it, you can suck his f***ing c*ck!
tell em they kissed my a**
Little did you know, upon purchasing this album, you
have just kissed his a**!
tell em i'm fed up
Slim Shady is fed up with your s***...and he's going
to kill you!
yeah uh...anything else? Yeah...SUE ME.

Kill You

When I was just a little baby boy my mamma used to
tell me these crazy things
She used to tell me my daddy was an evil man, she used
to tell me he hated me
But then I got a little bit older and I realized she
was the crazy one
But there was nothing I could try to say or do to
change her 'cause that's just the way she was
They say I can't rap about being broke no more
They didn't say I can't rap about coke no more
(ahhhh!)
Sl*t! You think I won't choke no wh*re,
Till her vocal cords don't work in her throat no more
(ahhhh!)
These motherf***ers are thinking I'm playin', thinking
I'm sayin'
This s*** 'cause I'm thinkin' it just to be sayin' it
(ahhhh!)
Put your hands down, b****, I ain't gonna shoot you
I'm gonna pull YOU to this bullet and put it thru you!
(ahhhh!)
Shut up, Sl*t! You're causing too much chaos
Just bend over and take like a sl*t...ok ma!
"Oh, now he's raping his own mother, abusing her
*Worse, snortin' coke, and we gave him the Rolling
Stone cover?"
You're godd*** right, b****, and now it's too late
I'm triple-platnum and tragedies happen in two states
I invented violence you vile venomous vomital b****es
Vain, Vicadin, Rin-rin-rin
Touch this chainsaw, left his brains all
Dangling from his neck while his head barely hangs on
Blood, guts, guns, cuts Knives, lives, wives, nuns,
sl*ts

(Chorus)
B****, I'm-a kill you!
You don't wanna f*** with me, girls leave, you ain't
nothin' but a sl*t to me
B****, I'm-a kill you!
You ain't got the balls to beef, we ain't never stop
beefin', an' I squash the beef
You better kill me
I'm-a be another rapper dead, for poppin' off at the
mouth with s*** I shouldn't've said
But when they kill me
I'm bringin' the world with me, b****es too, you ain't
nothin' but a girl to me
I said you don't Wanna f*** with Shady
'Cause Shady Will f***in' kill you
You don't Wanna f*** with Shady
'Cause Shady Will f***in' kill you

B****, I'm-a kill you! Like a murder weapon I'm-a
conceal you
In a closet with mildew, sheets, pillows & film you
F*** with me, I've been thru h***, shut the h*** up
I'm tryin' to develop these pictures of the Devil to
sell them
I ain't Acid Rap but I rap on acid
*Got a new glow ball & just had a strap-on added
Woops! Is that a subliminal hint? No,
It's criminal intent, to sodomize women again!
Eminem offend? NO! Eminem'll assault!
And if you ever give it to him you'll give him an
impulse
To do it again, THEN, if he does it again
You probabaly end up jumping out of something up in
the tent

B****, I'm-a kill you...I ain't done, this aint the
chorus
I ain't even drug you in the woods yet to paint the
forest
A bloodstain is orange after you wash it three or four
times
It's tough, but that's normal, ain't it Norman?
Serial killer hiding murder material
In a cereal box on top of your stereo
Here we go again, we're out of out medicine
Out of our minds, and we're wanting yours, let us in

Or I'm-a kill you!
You don't wanna f*** with me, girls leave, you ain't
nothin' but a sl*t to me

Chorus

Know why I say these things
'Cause ladies screams be creepin' in Shady's dreams
And the way things seem, I shouldn't have to pay these
shrinks
These eighty g's just to say the same things
threese...
Twice, whatever, I hate these things
F*** shots, I hope this weed'll outweigh these drinks
Motherf***ers want me to come on their radio shows
Just to argue with them 'cause their ratings stink?
F*** that! I'll choke radio announcer to bouncer
From fat b**** to all seventy-thousand pounds of her
From the princapal to student body and counseler
From in school to before school to outta school
I don't even believe in breathin'
I'm leavin' air in your lungs so you can keep
screamin' for me to seep it
OK! I'm ready to go play!
I got the machette from O.J., I'm ready to make
everyone's throats ache
You faggots keep egging me on
'Till I have you at knife point then you beg me to
stop?
Shut up! Give me your hands and feet!
I said shut up when I'm talking to you! You hear me?
ANSWER ME!
Or I'm-a kill you!
You don't wanna f*** with me, girls leave, you ain't
nothin' but a slut to me

Chorus

Ha ha ha. I'm just playin', ladies. You know I love
you.

Stan

CHORUS: (2x)
My tea's gone cold,I'm wondering why I got out of bed
at all
the morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see
at all
And even if I could it'd all be grey, but your picture
on my wall
it reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad

Dear Slim, I wrote you but you still ain't callin'
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the
bottom
I sent two letters back in autumn
You must not have got 'em
It probably was a problem at the post office or
somethin'
Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot
'em
But anyways, f*** it, what's been up man, how's your
daughter?
My girlfriend's pregnant too, I'm out to be a father
If I have a daughter, guess what I'm-a call her? I'm-a
name her Bonnie.
I read about your uncle Ronnie too, I'm sorry
I had a friend kill himself over some b**** who didn't
want him.
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your
biggest fan.
I even got the underground s*** that you did with
ScamZ.
I got a room full of your posters and your pictures,
man.
I like the s*** you did with Ruckus too, that s*** was
fat.
Anyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back, just to
chat
Truly yours, your biggest fan, this is Stan.

CHORUS

Dear Slim, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you
have the chance.
I ain't mad, I just think it's f***ed up you don't
answer fans.
If you didn't want to talk to me outside your concert
You didn't have to
but you could have signed an autograph for Matthew.
That's my little brother, man. He's only 6 years old.
We waited in the blistering cold for you for 4 hours
and ya just said no.
That's pretty s***ty man, you're like his f***in' idol
He wants to be just like you man, he likes you more
than I do.
I ain't that mad, but I just don't like bein' lied to.
Remember when we met in Denver, you said if I write
you
You would write back. See, I'm just like you in a way.
I never knew my father neither.
He used to always cheat on my mom and beat her.
I can relate to what you're sayin' in your songs.
So when I have a s***ty day, I drift away and put 'em
on.
Cause I don't really got s*** else, so that s*** helps
when I'm depressed.
I even got a tattoo with your name across the chest.
Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds.
It's like adrenaline. The Pain is such a sudden rush
for me.
See, everything you say is real, and I respect you
'cause you tell it.
My girlfriend's jealous 'cause I talk about you 24/7.
But she don't know you like I know you, Slim, no one
does.
She don't know what it was like for people like us
growing up.
You've gotta call me man. I'll be the biggest fan
you'll ever lose.
Sincerely yours, Stan. PS: We should be together too.

CHORUS

Dear Mr. "I'm too good to call or write my fans"
This'll be the last package I ever send your a**.
It's been six months and still no word. I don't
deserve it?
I know you got my last two letters, I wrote the
addresses on 'em perfect.
So this is my cassette I'm sending you. I hope you
hear it.
I'm in the car right now. I'm doing 90 on the freeway.
Hey Slim, "I drank a fifth of vodka, ya dare me to
drive?"
You know that song by Phil Collins from "The Air In
The Night"?
About that guy who could have saved that other guy
from drowning?
But didn't? Then Phil saw it all then at his show he
found him?
That's kinda how this is. You could have rescued me
from drowning.
Now it's too late. I'm on a thousand downers now, I'm
drowsy.
And all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call.
I hope you know I ripped all o' your pictures off the
wall.
I love you Slim, we could have been together. Think
about it.
You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you
dream about it.
And when you dream, I hope you can't sleep and you
scream about it.
I hope your conscious eats at you and you can't
breathe without me.
See Slim, shut up b****, I'm trying to talk
Hey Slim, that's my girlfriend screaming in the trunk.
But I didn't slit her throat, I just tied her up, see
I ain't like you.
'Cause if she suffocates, she'll suffer more, and then
she'll die too.
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now.
Oh s***, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this s***
out?

Dear Stan, I meant to write you sooner, but I've just
been busy.
You said your girlfriend's pregnant now, how far along
is she?
Look, I'm really flattered you would call your
daughter that.
And here's an autograph for your brother: I wrote it
on your Starter cap.
I'm sorry I didn't see you at the show, I must have
missed you.
Don't think I did that s*** intentionally, just to
diss you.
And what's this s*** you said about you like to cut
your wrists too?
I say that s*** just clownin' dawg, c'mon, how f***ed
up is you?
You got some issues, Stan, I think you need some
counselin'
To help your a** from bouncin' off the walls when you
get down some.
And what's this s*** about us meant to be together?
That type of s***'ll make me not want us to meet each
other.
I really think you and your girlfriend need each
other.
Or maybe you just need to treat her better.
I hope you get to read this letter.
I just hope it reaches you in time.
Before you hurt yourself, I think that you'd be doin'
just fine
If you'd relax a little. I'm glad that I inspire you,
but Stan
Why are you so mad? Try to understand that I do want
you as a fan.
I just don't want you to do some crazy s***.
I seen this one s*** on the news a couple weeks ago
that made me sick.
Some dude was drunk and drove his car over a bridge
And had his girlfriend in the trunk and she was
pregnant with his kid
And in the car they found a tape but it didn't say who
it was to
Come to think about it...his name was...it was you.
D***

Paul (Skit)

Em, what's goin' on...It's Paul...ahhm...
Dre gave me a copy of the new album...and...I
just...sigh...F*** it.

Who Knew

I never knew I...
I never knew I...Mic check, one, two
I never knew I...Who would've knew
I never knew I...Who would've known
I never knew I...Fuck with authority
I never knew I...Motherf***er comes out
I never knew I...Sells a couple-a million records
I never knew I...And these motherf***ers hit the
ceiling
I don't do black music, I don't do white music (nope)
I make fight music, for high-school kids
Put lives at risk when I drive like this
I put wives at risk with a knife like this
Shit, you probably think I'm in your tape deck now
I'm in the back seat of your truck with duct tape
stretched out
Ducked the f*** way down, waiting to straight jump out
Put it over your mouth, and grab you by the face, what
now?
Oh. You want me to watch my mouth? How?
Take my f***ing eyeballs out and turn them around?
(look)
I'll burn your f***in' house down, circle around
And hit the hydrant so you can't put your burning
furniture out (oh my god, oh my god)
I'm sorry there must be a mixup
You want me to fixup lyrics while our president gets
his d*ck sucked? (sound of Ken Kaniff leering )
F*** that. Take drugs. Rape sl*ts.
Make fun of gay clubs. Men who wear makeup.
*Get it aware. Wake up. Get a sense of humor.
Quit tryin' to censor music. This is for your kids
amusement. (the kids!)
But don't blame me when little Eric jumps off of the
terrace.
You should've been watching him. Apparently you ain't
parents.
I never knew I...knew I would get this big
I never knew I...knew I'd affect this kid
I never knew I'd...get him to slit his wrists
I never knew I'd...get him to hit this b****
I never knew I...knew I would get this big
I never knew I...knew I'd affect this kid
I never knew I'd...get him to slit his wrists
I never knew I'd...get him to hit this b****

So who's bringing the guns in this country?
I couldn't sneak a plastic pellet-gun thru customs
over in London
And last week I seen a Schwarzenegger movie
Where he's shooting all sorts of motherfuckers with an
uzi
I seen these three little kids up in the front row
Screaming "Go!" with their 17-year old uncle
I'm like "Guidance?
Ain't they got the same moms and dads who got mad when
I asked if they like violence?
And told me that my tape got 'em to swear
What about the makeup you allowed your twelve-year-old
daughter to wear? (hm?)
So tell me that your son doesn't know any cuss words
*When this bus driver's screaming at him, f***ing him
up worse" (f*** you little f***ing pr*ck)
And f*** was the first word I ever learned
Up in the third grade flipping the gym teacher the
bird (look)
So read up, 'bout how I used to get beat up
Peed on, be on free lunch, and change schools every
three months
My life's like, kinda what my wife's like (what?)
F***ed up after I beat her f***ing a** every night
(Ike)
So how much easier would life be
If nineteen-million motherf***ers grew to be just like
me
'Cause I never knew I...knew I would get this big
I never knew I...knew I'd affect this kid
I never knew I'd...get him to slit his wrists
I never knew I'd...get him to hit this b****
I never knew I...knew I would get this big
I never knew I...knew I'd affect this kid
I never knew I'd...get him to slit his wrists
I never knew I'd...get him to hit this b****
I never knew I, knew I'd, have a new house or a new
car
Couple years ago I was more poorer than you are
I don't got that bad of a mouth do I?
F*** s*** a** b****, c*nt, shoobie-do-doo-wa (woops!)
Skeebie-ba-be-wop, a-Christopher Reeves
Sonny Bono, skeezes, wh*res, & hittin' some trees
(hey!)
How many retards will listen to me
And run in the school shootin' when they're pissed at
the teach-
-er, her, or him, is it you? Is it him?
Wasn't me. Slim Shady said to do it again.
D***! How much damage can you do with a pen?
Man, I'm just as f***ed up as you would've been
If you would've been in my shoes, who would've thought
Slim Shady would've been something that you would've
bought
That would've made you get a gun and shoot at a cop
I just said it, I didn't know if you did it or not
'Cause I never knew I...knew I would get this big
I never knew I...knew I'd affect this kid
I never knew I'd...get him to slit his wrists
I never knew I'd...get him to hit this b****
I never knew I...knew I would get this big
I never knew I...knew I'd affect this kid
I never knew I'd...get him to slit his wrists
I never knew I'd...get him to hit this b****
How the f*** was I supposed to know?

Steve Berman (skit)

Heyyy
Hey, Em, what's up?
Steve Berman. What's goin' on, man, how you doin? Good
to see you again. What's up?
Em, could you come here and have a seat, please?
Umm, yeah, what's...
Vannessa, shut the door.
Okay.
So what's up? How's orders looking for the first week?
It would be better if you gave me nothing at all.
Wh-
This album is less than nothing. I can't sell this
f***ng record.
Wha-
Do you know what's happening to me out there?
Wh-wha-what's the problem?
Violent Ground told me to go f*** myself!
Who's Violent...?
Tower Records told me to shove this record up my a**!
Do you know what it feels like to be told to have a
record shoved up your a**?
But, I-
I'm gonna lose my f***in' job over this. You know why
Dre's record was so successful? He's rappin' about
big-screen tv's, blunts, 40's and b****es. You're
rappin' about homosexuals and Vicadin.
I mean-
I can't sell this s***!
What-
Either change the record or it's not coming out!
What, I-
Now get the f*** out of my office!
What am I suppose ot do
NOW!
Alright man, whatever.

The Way I Am

Whatever..
Dre, just let it run
Aiyyo turn the beat up a little bit
Aiyyo.. this song is for anyone.. f*** it
Just shut up and listen, aiyyo..

I sit back with this pack of Zig Zags and this bag
of this weed it gives me the s*** needed to be
the most meanest MC on this -- on this Earth
And since birth I've been cursed with this curse to
just curse
And just blurt this berserk and bizarre s*** that
works
And it sells and it helps in itself to relieve
all this tension dispensin these sentences
Gettin this stress that's been eatin me recently off
of this chest
and I rest again peacefully (peacefully)..
but at least have the decency in you
to leave me alone, when you freaks see me out
in the streets when I'm eatin or feedin my daughter
to not come and speak to me (speak to me)..
I don't know you and no,
I don't owe you a mo-therf***-in thing
I'm not Mr. N'Sync, I'm not what your friends think
I'm not Mr. Friendly, I can be a pr*ck
if you tempt me my tank is on empty (is on empty)..
No patience is in me and if you offend me
I'm liftin you 10 feet (liftin you 10 feet).. in the
air
I don't care who is there and who saw me destroy you
Go call you a lawyer, file you a lawsuit
I'll smile in the courtroom and buy you a wardrobe
I'm tired of all you (of all you)..
I don't mean to be mean but that's all I can be is
just me

Chorus
And I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
Radio won't even play my jam
Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
I don't know it's just the way I am

Sometimes I just feel like my father, I hate to be
bothered
with all of this nonsense it's constant
And, "Oh, it's his lyrical content -
- the song 'Guilty Conscience' has gotten such rotten
responses"
And all of this controversy circles me
and it seems like the media immediately
points a finger at me (finger at me)..
So I point one back at 'em, but not the index or
pinkie
or the ring or the thumb, it's the one you put up
when you don't give a f***, when you won't just put up
with the bulls*** they pull, cause they full of s***
too
When a dude's gettin bullied and shoots up his school
and they blame it on Marilyn (on Marilyn).. and the
heroin
Where were the parents at? And look where it's at
Middle America, now it's a tragedy
Now it's so sad to see, an upper class ci-ty
havin this happenin (this happenin)..
then attack Eminem cause I rap this way (rap this
way)..
But I'm glad cause they feed me the fuel that I need
for the fire
to burn and it's burnin and I have returned

Chorus

I'm so sick and tired of bein admired
that I wish that I would just die or get fired
and dropped from my label and stop with the fables
I'm not gonna be able to top on "My Name is.."
And pigeon-holed into some pop-py sensation
to cop me rotation at rock'n'roll stations
And I just do not got the patience (got the
patience)..
to deal with these cocky caucasians who think
I'm some wigger who just tries to be black cause I
talk
with an accent, and grab on my balls, so they always
keep askin
the same f***in questions (f***in questions)..
What school did I go to, what hood I grew up in
The why, the who what when, the where, and the how
'til I'm grabbin my hair and I'm tearin it out
cause they drivin me crazy (drivin me crazy).. I can't
take it
I'm racin, I'm pacin, I stand and I sit
And I'm thankful for ev-ery fan that I get
But I can't take a S***, in the bathroom
without someone standin by it
No I won't sign your autograph
You can call me an a**hole I'm glad

Chorus

The Real Slim Shady

May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here..

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before
Jaws all on the floor like Pam, like Tommy just burst
in the door
and started whoopin her a** worse than before
they first were divorce, throwin her over furniture
(Ahh!)
It's the return of the... "Ah, wait, no way, you're
kidding,
he didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
And Dr. Dre said... nothing you idiots!
Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!)
Feminist women love Eminem {*chigga chigga chigga*}
"Slim Shady, I'm sick of him
Look at him, walkin around grabbin his you-know-what
Flippin the you-know-who," "Yeah, but he's so cute
though!"
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head
loose
But no worse, than what's goin on in your parents'
bedrooms
Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but
can't
but it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose
"My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips"
And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to know what a woman's cl*toris is
Of course they gonna know what intercourse is
By the time they hit fourth grade
They got the Discovery Channel don't they?
"We ain't nothing but mammals.." Well, some of us
cannibals
who cut other people open like cantaloupes
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
then there's no reason that a man and another man
can't elope
But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes

Chorus:(repeat 2X)

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell his
records;
well I do, so f*** him and f*** you too!
You think I give a d*** about a Grammy?
Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone
stand me
"But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"
Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here?
So you can, sit me here next to Britney Spears?
S***, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
so I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
and hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first
You little b****, put me on blast on MTV
"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim,
hee-hee!"
I should download her audio on MP3
and show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do
is annoy me
so I have been sent here to destroy you
And there's a million of us just like me
who cuss like me; who just don't give a f*** like me
who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me
and just might be the next best thing but not quite
me!

Chorus

I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only
givin you
things you joke about with your friends inside your
living room
The only difference is I got the balls to say it
in front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or
sugarcoated at all
I just get on the mic and spit it
and whether you like to admit it I just s*** it
better than ninety percent of you rappers out can
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like
valiums
It's funny; cause at the rate I'm goin when I'm thirty
I'll be the only person in the nursin home flirting
Pinchin nurses a**es when I'm jackin off with Jergens
And I'm jerkin but this whole bag of Viagra isn't
working
And every single person is a Slim Shady lurkin
He could be workin at Burger King, spittin on your
onion rings
Or in the parkin lot, circling
Screaming "I don't give a f***!"
with his windows down and his system up
So, will the real Shady please stand up?
And put one of those fingers on each hand up?
And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
and one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

Chorus 2X

Ha ha
Guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us
F*** it, let's all stand up

Remember Me

Remember me? ("Step in, execution")
Remember me? ("I have no remorse")
Remember me? ("I'm 'High Powered'")
Remember me? ("I drop bombs like Hiroshima")
For this one it's the X, you retarded?
Cause I grab the mic and get DOWN, like Syndrome
Hide and roam into the masses, without boundaries
which qualifies me for the term "universal"
Without no rehearsal, I leak words that's
controversial
Like I'm not, the one you wanna contest, see
cause I'll hit yo' a** like the train did that b****
that got "Banned From TV" -- heavyweight hitter
Hit you watch your whole head split up
Loco-is-the-motion, we comin through
Hollow tips is the lead, the .45 threw
Remember me? ("Throw ya gunz in the air!")
Remember me? ("Slam! Slam!")
Remember me? ("Nigga 'Bacdafucup'")
Remember me? ("Chka-chka-Onyx!")
Niggaz that take no for an answer, get told no
Yeah I been told no but it was more like, "No, no,
no!!!"
Life a b**** that'll f*** you if you let her
Better come better than better to be a competitor
this vet is ahead of,
The s*** is all redder, you deader and deader
A medic instead-a the cheddars and credda
Settle vendetta one metal beretta from ghetto to
ghetto
Evidence? NOPE! Never leave a shred-of
I got the soul of every rapper in me, love me or hate
me
My moms got raped by the industry and made me
I'm the illest nigga ever, I told you
I get more p*ssy than them dyke b****es Total
Want beef, nigga? PBBT! You better dead that s***
My name should be
"Can't-Believe-That-Nigga-Said-That-S***"
Probably sayin, "He ain't a killer", but I'm killin
myself
Smoke death, f*** b****es raw, on the kitchen floor
So think what I'ma do to you, have done to you
Got niggaz in my hood who'd do that s*** for a blunt
or two
What you wanna do, c*cksuckers? We glock busters
'Til the cops cuff us, we'll start ruckus and drop
blockbusters
'Round the clock hustlers, you cannot touch us
I'm gettin wires niggaz wantin me dead, wantin my head
You think it could be somethin I said? {*echoes*}
Remember me? ("I just don't give a f***!")
Remember me? ("Yeah, f*** you too!")
Remember me? ("I'm low down and I'm shifty!")
Remember me? ("I'm Shady!")
When I go out, I'ma go out shootin
I don't mean when I die, I mean when I go out to the
club, stupid
I'm tryin to clear up my f***in' image,
so I promised the f***in critics
I wouldn't say "f***in" for six minutes
(*click* Six minutes, Slim Shady, you're on)
My baby's mom, b**** made me an angry blonde
So I made me a song, killed her and put Hailie on
I may be wrong, I keep thinkin these crazy thoughts
in my cranium, but I'm stuck with a crazy mom
("Is she really on as much dope as you say she's on?")
Came home, and somebody musta broke in the back window
and stole two loaded machine guns and both of my
trenchcoats
Sick sick dreams of picnic scenes, two kids, sixteen
with M-16's and ten clips each
And them s***s reach through six kids each
And Slim gets blamed in Bill Clint's speech to fix
these streets?
F*** THAT! PBBT! you f*gg*ts can vanish to volcanic
ash
and re-appear in h*** with a can of gas, AND a match
Aftermath, Dre, grab the gat, show 'em where it's at
(What the f*** you starin at, nigga?)
Don't you remember me?!
Remember me?!!
Remember me??!
REMEMBER ME!!!!

I'm Back

Chorus:(4X)

That's why they call me Slim Shady (I'm Back)
I'm Back (I'm Back) [SLIM SHADY!] I'm Back

I murder a rhyme one word at a time
You never, heard of a mind as perverted as mine
You better, get rid of that nine, it ain't gonna help
What good's it gonna do against a man that strangles
himself?
I'm waitin for h*** like h*** s*** I'm anxious as h***
Manson, you're safe in that cell, be thankful it's
jail
I used to be my mommy's little angel at twelve
Thirteen I was puttin shells in a gauge on a shelf
I used to, get punked and bullied on my block
'til I cut a kitten's head off and stuck it in this
kid's mailbox
{"Mom! MOM!"} I used to give a - f***, now I could
give a f*** less
What do I think of suc-cess? It sucks, too much press
I'm stressed
Too much stares two breasts, too upset
It's just too much mess, I guess I must just blew up
quick (yes)
Grew up quick (no) was raised right
Whatever you say is wrong, whatever I say is right
You think of my name now whenever you say, "Hi"
Became a commodity because I'm W-H-I-
-T-E, cuz MTV was so friendly to me
Can't wait 'til Kim sees me
Now is it worth it? Look at my life, how is it
perfect?
Read my lips b****, what, my mouth isn't workin?
You hear this finger? Oh it's upside down
Here, let me turn this motherf***er up right now

Chorus

I take each individual degenerate's head and reach
into it
just to see if he's influenced by me if he listens to
music
And if he feeds into this s*** he's an innocent victim
and becomes a puppet on the string of my tennis shoe
My name is Slim Shady
I been crazy way before radio didn't play me
The sensational {*"Back is the incredible!"*}
With Ken Kaniff, who just finds the men edible
It's Ken Kaniff on the, internet
Tryin to, lure your kids with him, into bed
It's a, sick world we live in these days
"Slim for Pete's sakes put down Christopher Reeve's
legs!"
Geez, you guys are so sensitive
"Slim it's a touchy subject, try and just don't
mention it"
Mind with no sense in it, fried to get so frenetic
whose eyes get so squinted, I'm blind from smokin 'em
with my windows tinted, with nine limos rented
Doin lines of coke in 'em, with a bunch of guys hoppin
out
all high and indo scented
And that's where I get my name from, that's why they
call me

Chorus

I take seven [kids] from [Columbine], stand 'em all in
line
Add an AK-47, a revolver, a nine
a Mack-11 and it oughta solve the problem of mine
and that's a whole school of bullies shot up all at
one time
Cause (I'mmmm) Shady, they call me as crazy
as the world was over this whole Y2K thing
And by the way, N'Sync, why do they sing?
Am I the only one who realizes they stink?
Should I dye my hair pink and care what y'all think?
Lip sync and buy a bigger size of earrings?
It's why I tend to block out when I hear things
Cause all these fans screamin is makin my ears ring
(AHHHH!!!)
So I just, throw up a middle finger and let it linger
longer than the rumor that I was stickin it to
Christina
Cause if I ever stuck it to any singer in showbiz
it'd be Jennifer Lopez, and Puffy you know this!
I'm sorry Puff, but I don't give a f*** if this chick
was my own mother
I still f*** her with no rubber and cum inside her
and have a son and a new brother at the same time
and just say that it ain't mine, what's my name?

Chorus

Guess who's b-back, back
Gue-gue-guess who's back (Hi mom!)
Guess who's back
Gue guess who's back
D-12 Guess who's back
Gue, gue-gue-gue, guess who's back
Dr. Dre Guess who's back
Back back back
Slim Shady, 2001
I'm blew out from this blunt f***

Marshall Mathers

You know I just don't get it
Last year I was nobody
This year I'm sellin records
Now everybody wants to come around like I owe em
somethin
Heh, the f*** you want from me, ten million dollars?
Get the f*** out of here

Chorus One:
You see I'm, just Marshall Mathers (Marshall Mathers)
I'm just a regular guy,
I don't know why all the fuss about me (fuss about me)
Nobody ever gave a f*** before,
all they did was doubt me (did was doubt me)
Now everybody wanna run they mouth
and try to take shots at me (take shots at me)

Yo, you might see me joggin, you might see me walkin
You might see me walkin a dead rottweiler dog
with it's head chopped off in the park with a spiked
collar
hollerin at him cause the son of a b**** won't quit
barkin
(grrrr, ARF ARF) Or leanin out a window, with a cocked
shotgun
Drivin up the block in the car that they shot 'Pac in
Lookin for Big's killers, dressed in ridiculous
blue and red like I don't see what the big deal is
Double barrel twelve gauge bigger than Chris Wallace
Pissed off, cause Biggie and 'Pac just missed all this
Watchin all these cheap imitations get rich off 'em
and get dollars that shoulda been there's like they
switched wallets
And amidst all this Crist' poppin and wristwatches
I had to sit back and just watch and just get nauseous
and walk around with an empty bottle of Remi Martin
startin shit like some 26-year-old skinny Cartman
("God d***it!")
I'm anti-Backstreet and Ricky Martin
with instincts to kill N'Sync, don't get me started
These f***in brats can't sing and Britney's garbage
What's this b**** retarded? Gimme back my sixteen
dollars
All I see is sissies in magazines smiling
Whatever happened to whylin out and bein violent?
Whatever happened to catchin a good-ol' fashioned
passionate a**-whoopin and gettin your shoes coat and
your hat tooken?
New Kids on the Block, sucked a lot of d*ck
Boy/girl groups make me sick
And I can't wait 'til I catch all you f*gg*ts in
public
I'ma love it.. (hahaha)
Vanilla Ice don't like me (uh-uh)
Said some s*** in Vibe to spite me (yup)
Then went and dyed his hair just like me (hehe)
A bunch of little kids wanna swear just like me
and run around screamin, "I don't care, just bite me"
(nah nah)
I think I was put here to annoy the world
and destroy your little 4-year-old boy or girl
Plus I was put here to put fear in f*gg*ts who spray
Faygo Root Beer
and call themselves "Clowns" cause they look queer
F*gg*t2Dope and Silent Gay
Claimin Detroit, when y'all live twenty miles away
(f***in punks)
And I don't wrestle, I'll knock you f***in f*gg*ts the
f*** out
Ask 'em about the club they was at when they snuck out
after they ducked out the back when they saw us and
bugged out
(AHHH!) Ducked down and got paintballs shot at they
truck, blaow!
Look at y'all runnin your mouth again
when you ain't seen a f***in Mile Road, South of 10
And I don't need help, from D-12, to beat up two
females
in make-up, who may try to scratch me with Lee Nails
"Slim Anus," you d*** right, Slim Anus
I don't get f***ed in mine like you two little flaming
f*gg*ts!

Chorus Two:
Cause I'm, just Marshall Mathers (Marshall Mathers)
I'm not a wrestler guy,
I'll knock you out if you talk about me (you talk
about me)
Come and see me on the streets alone
if you a**holes doubt me (a**holes doubt me)
And if you wanna run your mouth
then come take your best shot at me (your best shot at
me)

Is it because you love me that y'all expect so much of
me?
You little groupie b****, get off me, go f*** Puffy
Now because of this blonde mop that's on top
and this f***ed up head that I've got, I've gone pop?
The underground just spunned around and did a 360
Now these kids diss me and act like some big sissies
"Oh, he just did some s*** with Missy,
so now he thinks he's too big to do some s*** with MC
Get-Bizzy"
My f***in b**** mom's suin for ten million
She must want a dollar for every pill I've been
stealin
Shit, where the f*** you think I picked up the habit?
All I had to do was go in her room and lift up her
mattress
Which is it b****, Mrs. Briggs or Ms. Mathers?
It doesn't matter your [attorney Fred Gibson's a]
f*gg*t!
Talkin about I fabricated my past
He's just aggravated I won't ejaculate in his a**
(Uhh!)
So tell me, what the h*** is a fella to do?
For every million I make, another relative sues
Family fightin and fussin over who wants to invite me
to supper
All the sudden, I got 90 some cousins (Hey it's me!)
A half-brother and sister who never seen me
or even bothered to call me until they saw me on TV
Now everybody's so happy and proud
I'm finally allowed to step foot in my girlfriend's
house
Hey-hey! And then to top it off, I walked to the
newsstand
to buy this cheap-ass little magazine with a food
stamp
Skipped to the last page, flipped right fast
and what do I see? A picture of my big white a**
Okay, let me give you motherf***ers some help:
uhh, here - DOUBLE XL, DOUBLE XL
Now your magazine shouldn't have so much trouble to
sell
Ahh f*** it, I'll even buy a couple myself

Chorus One (2X)

Ken Kaniff (Skit)

Uuuhoh, yeah
Oh, suck it
Oh, f*** yu
Oh, Shagy
Oh, this is why they call you two dope ain't it
Oh, f*** yu
Oh, take it out, take it out!
Oh, now give something to Jay
Oh, violent Jay
Wait don't bite it
Don't be violent with it
now just suck it
nice and slow, yeah
oh oh f*** yu
you got oh
now give it back to Shagy
he was sucking it better
Oh, now say my name
Eminem, say my name, Eminem
WHAT!
Ohh f*** you guys
Gi-give me my d*ck back
F*** you guys
If you want Eminem you can Have Eminem
F*** you guys (Ken) I'm on leaving (no)
(Kenn wait, oh d***)
(Nice going Shagy)

Drug Ballad

Yeaaah, hahahaha...whooooo, s***!
(aight)
Guess what? I ain't coming in yet...
I'll come in a minute
Ayo...This is my love song...it goes like this

Back when Mark Walhberg was Marky Mark
This is how we used to make the party start
We used to mix Hen' with Bacardi Dark
And when it, kicks in you can hardly talk
And by the, sixth gin you're gonna probably crawl
And you'll be, sick then and you'll probably barf
And my pre-diction is you're gonna probably fall
Either somewhere in the lobby or the hallway wall
And everything's spinning
You're beginin' to think women
are swimming in pink linen again in the sink
Then in a couple of minutes that bottle of Guiness is
finished
You are now allowed to officially slap b****es
You have the right to remain violent and start wilin'
Start a fight with the same guy that was smart eyin'
you
Get in your car, start it, and start drivin'
Over the island and cause a 42 car pile-up
Earth calling, pilot to co-pilot
Look at the life on this planet, sir, no sign of it
All I can see is a bunch of smoke flyin'
And I'm so high that I might die if I go by it
Let me out of this place
I'm outta place
I'm in outer space
I've just vanished without a trace
I'm going to a pretty place now where the flowers grow
I'll be back in an hour or so

Chorus

'Cause every time I go to try to leave
Something keeps pullin' on my sleeve
I don't wanna, but I gotta stay
These drugs really got ahold of me

'Cause every time I try to tell them "no"
They won't let me ever let them go
I'm a sucka all I gotta say
These drugs really got ahold of me

In third grade, all I used to do
Was sniff glue through a tube and play rubix cube
17 years later I'm as Rude as Jude
Scheming on the first chick with the hugest boobs
I've got no game
And every face looks the same
They've got no name
So I don't need game to play
I just say whatever I want to whoever I want
Whenever I want, wherever I want, however I want
However, I do show some respect to few
As ecstacy got me standing next to you
Getting sentimental as f*** spillin' guts to you
We just met
But I think I'm in love with you
But you're on it too
So you tell me you love me too
Wake up in the morning like "yo, what the f*** we do?"
I gotta go b****
You know I have stuff to do
'Cause if I get caught cheatin' then I'm stuck with
you
But in the long run
These drugs are probably going to catch up sooner or
later
But f*** it, I'm on one
So let's enjoy
Let the X destroy your spinal cord
So it's not a straight line no more
'Til we walk around looking like some wind-up dolls
S***'s sticking out of our backs like a dinosaur
S***, six hits won't even get me high no more
So bye for now
I'm going to try to find some more

Chorus

That's the sound of a bottle when it's hollow
When you swallow it all wollow and drown in your
sorrow
And tomorrow you're probably going to want to do it
again
What's a little spinal fluid between you and a friend?
Screw it
And what's a little bit of alcohol poisoning?
And what's a little fight?
Tomorrow you'll be boys again
It's your life
Live it however you wanna
Marijuana is everywhere
Where was you brought up?
It don't matter as long as you get where you're going
'Cause none of the s*** is going to mean s*** where
we're going
They tell you to stop, but you just sit there ignoring
Even though you wake up feeling like s*** every
morning
But you're young
You've got a lot of drugs to do
Girls to screw
Parties to crash
Sucks to be you
If I could take it all back now, I wouldn't
I would have did more s*** that people said that I
shouldn't
But I'm all grown up now and upgraded and graduated
Did better drugs and updated
But I've still got a lot of growing up to do
I've still got a whole lot of throwing up to spew
But when it's all said and done I'll be 40
Before I know it with a 40 on the porch telling
stories
With a bottle of Jack
Two grandkids in my lap
Babysiting for Haley while Haley's out getting smashed

Chorus 2x
Drugs really got ahold of me
They really got ahold of me
'Cause drugs really got ahold of me
They really got ahold of me

Amityville

[(kill kill kill)
Dahh-dum, dahh-dum.. dum
Dahh-dum, dahh-dum, duh-da-da-da-da
(kill kill kill)
Dahh-dum, dahh-dum.. dum
Dahh-dum, dahh-dum, dumm..
(kill kill kill)

Chorus:
Mentally illll from Amityvilllle (ILLLL)
Accidentally killll your family stillll
Thinkin he won't? God-d***it he willll (HE'SSSS)
Mentally illll from Amityvilllle

I get lifted and spin til I'm half-twisted
Feet planted and stand with a grin full of chapped
lipstick
Pen full of ink, think sinful and rap sick s***
Shrink pencil me in for my last visit
Drink gin til my chin's full of splashed whiskers
Hash whiskey and ash til I slap b****es
Ask Bizzy, he's been here the past six years
Mash with me you'll get in imagine this

Chorus 2X

I f***ed my cousin in his a**hole, slit my mother's
throat
Guess who Slim Shady just signed to Interscope?
My little sister's birthday, she'll remember me
For a gift I had ten of my boys take her virginity
And b****es know me as a horny a** freak
Their mother wasn't raped, I ate her p*ssy while she
was 'sleep
Pissy-drunk, throwin up in the urinal (YOU F***IN
HOMO!)
That's what I said at my dad's funeral

Chorus 2X

That's why the city is filled with a bunch of f***in
idiots still (still)
That's why the first motherf***er poppin some s*** he
gets killed (killed)
That's why we don't call it Detroit, we call it
Amityville ('Ville)
You can get capped after just havin a cavity filled
(filled)
Ahahahaha, that's why we're crowned the murder capital
still (still)
This ain't Detroit, this is motherf***in Hamburger
Hill! (Hill!)
We don't do drivebys, we park in front of houses and
shoot
and when the police come we f***in shoot it out with
them too!
That's the mentality here (here) that's the reality
here (here)
Did I just hear somebody say they wanna challenge me
here?? (huh?)
While I'm holdin a pistol with this many calibres
here?? (here??)
Got some registration and just made this s*** valid
this year? (year?)
Cause once I snap I can't be held accountable for my
acts
and that's when accidents happen,
when a thousand bullets come at your house
and collapse the foundation around and they found you
and your family in it (AHHHHH!)
GOT D***IT HE MEANT IT WHEN HE TELLS YOU

Chorus 2X

Dum, tahh-dum.. ta-dah-da
Dum, tahh-dum.. ta-dah-da
Dum, tahh-dum.. ta-dah-da
Dum, tahh-dum.. ta-dah-da
Dum, tahh-dum.. ta-dah-da
Dum, tahh-dum.. ta-dah-da
Dum, tahh-dum.. ta-dah-da
Dum, tahh-dum.. ta-dah-da
Dum..

B**** Please Part 2

Yeah whattup Detroit?
Nu-uh, nu-uh nuh-no he didn't!
Ahhh! They didn't do it again,
what-what, what-what?
Did you s*** on these niggaz two times Dr. Dre?
Oh fo' sho'!
Uh-uh, naw, ya smell that?
This is special right here
What-what, what-what-what?
Yeah, it's a toast to the boogie baby
Uhh, to the boogie-oogie-oogie
Yeah, y'know! What's crackin Dre?
Just let me lay back and kick some mo' simplistic pimp
s***
on Slim's s*** and start riots like Limp Bizkit (Limp
Bizkit)
Throw on 'Guilty Conscience' at concerts
and watch mosh pits til motherf***ers knock each other
unconcious
(Watch out now!) Some of these crowds that Slim draws
is rowdy as Crenshaw Boulevard when it's packed and
fulla cars
Some of these crowds me and Snoop draw +IS+ niggaz
from Crenshaw
from Long Beach to South Central
Whoa, not these niggaz again
These grown-a** ignorant men with hair-triggers again
(Hehe) You and what army could harm me?
D-R-E and Shady, with Doggy from Long Beach
(East-syde!) Came a long way, to makin these songs
play
It'll be a wrong move, to stare at me the wrong way
I got a long uz', and I carry it all day
(Blaow!) Sometimes it's like a nightmare, just bein
Andre,
but I..
somehow, someway - tell 'em, nigga
You know about Dogg-ay (Snoop Dogg)
Now let me cut these niggaz up and show em where da
f*** I'm comin from
I get the party crackin from the s*** that I be
spittin son
Hit-and-run, get it done, get the funds, split and run
Got about fifty gungs, and I love all of 'em the same
- bang bang!
D*** baby girl what's your name?
I forgot - what'd you say it was? D*** a nigga buzzed
Hangin in the club, with my nephew Eminem
(Whassup Slim?) Whattup cuz? (Whattup Snoop?)
The Great White American Hope, done hooked up
with the King of the motherf***in West coast,
bay-bayy!

Chorus:
And you don't really wanna f***, with me
Only nigga that I trust, is me
F*** around and make me bust, this heat
That's, the devil, they always wanna dance

I'm the Head Nigga In Charge, I'm watchin you move
You're found dead in your garage, with ten o'clock
news coverage
Gotta love it, cause I expose the facade
Your little lungs is too small to hotbox with God
All jokes aside, come bounce with us
Standin over you with a twelve gauge, about to bust
It's like ashes to ashes and dust to dust
I might leave in the bodybag, but never in cuffs
So who do you trust? They just not rugged enough
When things get rough I'm in the club shootin with
Puff
B****, please - you must have a mental disease
Assume the position and get back down on your knees -
c'mon

Chorus 2X

Awww naww, big Slim Dogg
Eighty pound balls, d*ck six inch long
Back up, in the, heezy BAY-BAY
He's Sha-day!

He's so cra-zay!
ahaha! Gimme the mic, let me recite, 'til Timothy
White
pickets outside the Interscope offices every night
What if he's right? I'm just a criminal, makin a
living
off of the world's misery - what in the world gives me
the right
to say what I like, and walk around flippin the bird
Livin the urban life, like a white kid from the 'burbs
Dreamin at night of screamin at mom, schemin to leave
Run away from home and grow to be as evil as me
I just want you all to notice me and people to see
that somewhere deep down, there's a decent human being
in me
It just can't be found, so the reason you've been
seeing this me
is cause this is me now, the recent dude who's being
this mean
So when you see me, dressin up like a nerd on TV
or heard the CD usin the fag word so freely
it's just me being me, here want me to tone it down?
Suck my f***in d*ck, you f*gg*t
You happy now? Look here

I start some trouble everywhere that I go (that I go)
Ask the bouncers in the club cause they know (cause
they know)
I start some s*** they throw me out the back do' (the
back do')
Come back and shoot the club up with a fo'-fo' (a
fo'-fo')

Chorus 2X

2001 and forever
Slim Shady, Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, X to the Z, Nate Dogg
C'mon, yeah!!

Kim

Aww look at daddy's baby girl
That's daddy baby
Little sleepy head
Yesterday I changed your diaper
Wiped you and powdered you.
How did you get so big?
Can't believe it now your two
Baby you're so precious
Daddy's so proud of you
Sit down b****
If you move again I'll beat the s*** out of you

(Okay)
Don't make me wake this baby
She don't need to see what I'm about to do
Quit crying b****, why do you always make me shout at
you?
How could you?
Just leave me and love him out the blue
Oh, what's a matter Kim?
Am I too loud for you?
Too bad b****, your gonna finally hear me out this
time
At first, I'm like all right
You wanna throw me out? That's fine!
But not for him to take my place, are you out you're
mind?
This couch, this TV, this whole house is mine!
How could you let him sleep in our bed?
Look at Kim
Look at your husband now!
(No!)
I said look at him!
He ain't so hot now is he?
Little punk!
(Why are you doing this?)
Shut the f*** up!
(You're drunk! You're never going to get away at
this!)
You think I give a f***!
Come on we're going for a ride b****
(No!)
Sit up front
(Well I can't just leave Haley alone, what if she
wakes up?)
We'll be right back
Well I will you'll be in the trunk

1 - So long, b**** you did me so wrong
I don't wanna go on
Living in this world without you

Repeat 1

You really f***ed me Kim
You really did a number on me
Never knew me cheating on you would come back to haunt
me
But we was kids then Kim, I was only 18
That was years ago
I thought we wiped the slate clean
That's f***ed up!
(I love you!)
Oh God my brain is racing
(I love you!)
What are you doing?
Change the station I hate this song!
Does this look like a big joke?
(No!)
There's a four year old boy lyin' dead with a slit
throat
In your living room, ha-ha
What you think I'm kiddin' you?
You loved him didn't you?
(No!)
Bulls*** you b**** don't f***ing lie to me
What the f***'s this guy's problem on the side of me?
F*** you a**hole, yeah bite me
Kim, KIM!
Why don't you like me?
You think I'm ugly don't you
(It's not that!)
No you think I'm ugly
(Baby)
Get the f*** away from me, don't touch me
I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!
I SWEAR TO GOD I HATE YOU
OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU
How the f*** could you do this to me?
(Sorry!)
How the f*** could you do this to me?

Repeat 1 (2x)

Come on get out
(I can't I'm scared)
I said get out b****!
(Let go of my hair, please don't do this baby)
(Please I love you, look we can just take Haley and
leave)
F*** you, you did this to us
You did it, it's your fault
Oh my God I'm crackin' up
Get a grip Marshall
Hey remember the time we went to Brian's party?
And you were like so drunk that you threw up all over
Archie
That was funny wasn't it?
(Yes!)
That was funny wasn't it?
(Yes!)
See it all makes sense, doesn't it?
You and your husband have a fight
One of you tries to grab a knife
And during the struggle he accidentally gets his
Adam's apple sliced
(No!)
And while this is goin' on
His son just woke up and he just walks in
She panics and he gets his throat cut
(Oh my God!)
So now they both dead and you slash your own throat
So now it's double homicide and suicide with no note
I should have known better when you started to act
weird
We could've...HEY! Where you going? Get back here!
You can't run from me Kim
It's just us, nobody else!
You're only making this harder on yourself
Ha! Ha! Got'cha!
(Ahh!)
Ha! Go ahead yell!
Here I'll scream with you!
AH SOMEBODY HELP!
Don't you get it b****, no one can hear you?
Now shut the f*** up and get what's comin to you
You were supposed to love me
NOW BLEED! B**** BLEED!
BLEED! B**** BLEED! BLEED!

Under The Influence

Chorus:
So you can suck my d*ck if you don't like, my s***
Cause I was high when I wrote this so suck, my d*ck -

Ha ha!
Two pills I pop, 'til my pupils swell up like two
pennies
I'm Clint Eastwood in his mid-twenties
A young a** man with a trash can strapped to the back
of his a**
so the rats can't chew through his last pants
I'm like a mummy at night, fightin with bright
lightning
Frightened with five little white Vicadin pills bitin
him
I'm like a f***in wasp in the hospital lost
Stingin the f*** outta everything I come across in the
halls
I light a candle and place it up on the mantle
Grab a knife at the blade and stab you with the f***in
handle
So when you find yourself wrapped up in the blinds,
hurtin
B**** it's too late
Cause once you're hung from the drapes, it's curtains
I'm an instigator, .380 slug penetrator
Degradin, creatin murders to kill haters
Accused for every crime known through the equator
They knew I did it (uh-huh) for havin blood on my
'gators
My weed'll hit yo' chest like a double barrel gauge
an'
I'm a black grenade that'll blow up in yo' face
With a fifth in me, when I guzzle Remi I do s*** on
purpose
You never hear me say, "Forgive me"
I'm snatchin every penny - it gotta be that way nigga,
face it
That weed I sold to you, Brigade laced it
You hidin, I make the president get a facelift
Niggaz just afraid, handin me they bracelets
Chillin in the lab wasted
I'm the type that'll drink Kahlua and gin - throw up
on the mic
Your life is ruined, you get socked right on site
And even at the Million Man March, we gon' fight

Chorus

I'm a compulsive liar, settin my preacher on fire
Slashin your tires, flyin down Fenkel and Meyers
Plates expired, soon as I'm hired, I'm fired
Jackin my d*ck off in a bed of barbed wire
(Hey, is Bizarre performing?) B**** didn't you read
the flyer?
Special invited guest will be, Richard Pryor
(Aren't you a male dancer?) Nah b****, I'm retired
F***in your b**** in the a** with a tire iron
I'm ripped, I'm on an acid trip
My DJ's in a coma for lettin the record skip..
Lettin the record skip..
Lettin the record skip.. (D***!)
I'm f***in anything when I'm snortin
It's gonna cost 300 dollars to get my pit bull an
abortion
Some b**** asked for my autograph
I called her a wh*re, spit beer in her face and
laughed
I drop bombs like I was in Vietnam
All b****es is h*es, even my stinkin a** mom
Aiyyo flashback, two feets, two deep up in that a**
crack
Weed laced with somethin nigga pass that
In Amsterdam we only hang out with hash rats
At a 'Stop the Violence' rally, I blast gats
Be your mom on publishin, get your ASCAP-ped
The Kuniva, divide up your cash stack
Run your motherf***in pockets, ASAP
I don't need a platinum chain, b**** I snatch Shaq's
Born loser, half theif and half black
Bring your boys and your guns and get laughed at
B**** smacker, rich rappers get they Jag jacked
and found chopped up in a trash bag
We stranglin rappers until the point they can't yell
cause they crew is full of fags and sweeter than bake
sales
Reckless, come from behind and snatch your necklace
Gruesome, and causin more violence than nine hoodlums
I grapple your adam's apple until it crackle
Run right past you, turn around, grab you and stab you
Get executed, cuz I'm a "Luni"
I got a "Yukmouth" and it's polluted
I cock it back then shoot it
I love snatchin up players thugs and young ballers
Shoot up the household, even the young toddlers
Brigade barricade to bring the noise
While the bullets break your bones up like Christmas
toys
If I go solo, I'm doin a song with Bolo
A big Chinese nigga, screamin "Kuniva yo yo.."
I leave ya face leakin, run up in church
and smack the preacher while he's preachin
Take a swing at the deacon
I used to tell cats I sold weed and weight
I was straight 'til I got caught sellin em shake
I'm ignorant, with the intent to snatch your rent
I got kicked out of summer camp for havin sex in my
tent
with the superintendent's daughter, my brain's out of
order
I've been a Kon Artis since I was swimmin in water
In cahoots with this nigga named Carlisle Von
who got fired from UPS for tryin to send you a bomb
(Special delivery!) I signed to a local label for fun
Say I got cancer, get dropped, take the advancement
and run
Driveby you in the rain while you carry your son
Call your house and hang up on you for not givin me
none
Born straight up out a p*ssy but a son of a gun
Got a reputation for havin niggaz runnin they funds
Used to be the type of nigga that was foldin some
one's
'til I met your fat mama, now I'm rollin in dough

Chorus

Haha.. suck my motherf***in d*ck
D-12.. Dirty motherf***in Dozen
Nasty like a stank sl*t b**** with thirty f***in
husbands
Bizarre kid
Swifty McVeigh
The Kon Artis
The Kuniva
Dirty Harry
Haha, and Slim Shady..

Criminal

A lot of people ask me.. stupid f***in questions
A lot of people think that.. what I say on records
or what I talk about on a record, that I actually do
in real life
or that I believe in it
Or if I say that, I wanna kill somebody, that..
I'm actually gonna do it
or that I believe in it
Well, s***.. if you believe that
then I'll kill you
You know why?
Cuz I'm a

CRIMINAL
CRIMINAL
You god d*** right
I'm a CRIMINAL
Yeah, I'm a CRIMINAL

My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge
That'll stab you in the head
whether you're a fag or lez
Or the homosex, hermaph or a trans-a-vest
Pants or dress - hate fags? The answer's "yes"
Homophobic? Nah, you're just heterophobic
Starin at my jeans, watchin my g*nitals bulgin (Ooh!)
That's my motherf***in balls, you'd better let go of
em
They belong in my scrotum, you'll never get hold of em
Hey, it's me, Versace
Whoops, somebody shot me!
And I was just checkin the mail
Get it? Checkin the 'male'?
How many records you expectin to sell
after your second LP sends you directly to jail?
C'mon!-- Relax guy, I like gay men
Right, Ken? Give me an amen (AAA-men!)
Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus
Heal this child, help us destroy these demons
Oh, and please send me a brand new car
And a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospital
Preacher preacher, fifth grade teacher
You can't reach me, my mom can't neither
You can't teach me a godd*** thing cause
I watch TV, and Comcast cable
and you ain't able to stop these thoughts
You can't stop me from toppin these charts
And you can't stop me from droppin each March
with a brand new cd for these f***in retards
Duhhh, and to think, it's just little ol' me
Mr. "Don't Give A F***," still won't leave

Chorus: (2X)

I'm a CRIMINAL
Cuz every time I write a rhyme, these people think
it's a crime
to tell em what's on my mind - I guess I'm a CRIMINAL
but I don't gotta say a word, I just flip em the bird
and keep goin, I don't take s*** from no one

My mother did drugs - tar, liquor, cigarettes, and
speed
The baby came out - disfigured, ligaments indeed
It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she
Don't dare make fun of that baby cause that baby was
me
I'm a CRIMINAL - an animal caged who turned crazed
But how the f*** you sposed to grow up when you
weren't raised?
So as I got older and I got a lot taller
My d*ck shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger
I drink malt liquor to f*** you up quicker
than you'd wanna f*** me up for sayin the word ...
My morals went thhbbpp when the president got oral
Sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk
Off of his own employee
Now don't ignore me, you won't avoid me
You can't miss me, I'm white, blonde-haired
and my nose is pointy
I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die
in plane crashes and laughs
As long as it ain't happened to him
Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Em
-inem and Kim combined - the maniac's in
Replacin the doctor cause Dre couldn't make it today
He's a little under the weather, so I'm takin his
place
(Mm-mm-mmm!) Oh, that's Dre with an AK to his face
Don't make me kill him too and spray his brains all
over the place
I told you Dre, you should've kept that thang put away
I guess that'll teach you not to let me play with it,
eh?
I'm a CRIMINAL

Aight look (uh huh) just go up in that motherf***er
get the motherf***in money and get the f*** up outta
there
Aight
I'll be right here waitin on you
Aight
Yo Em
What?!
Don't kill nobody this time
Awwright... god d***, f***...
how you doin'?
HI, how can I help you?
Yeah I need to make a withdrawl
Okay
Put the f***in money in the bag b****
and I won't kill you!
What? Oh my god, don't kill me
I'm not gonna kill you b****, quit lookin around...
Don't kill me, please don't kill me...
I said I'm not gonna f***in kill you
Hurry the f*** up! Thank you!

Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it
So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it
So I'll be disguised in it
And if anybody identifies the guy in it
I'll hide for five minutes
Come back, shoot the eyewitness
Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business
Die, b****es, b*st*rds, brats, pets
This puppy's lucky I didn't blast his a** yet
If I ever gave a f***, I'd shave my nuts
tuck my d*ck inbetween my legs and cluck
You motherf***in chickens ain't brave enough
to say the stuff I say, so just tape it shut
S***, half the s*** I say, I just make it up
To make you mad so kiss my white naked a**
And if it's not a rapper that I make it as
I'ma be a f***in rapist in a Jason mask

(Chorus 2X)